This blog post is inspired by a conversation I just had on Twitter with a friend of mine who hasn’t experienced the wonders of childbirth yet. She said she thinks she’d rather have a cesarean despite all of the pain and after care. I immediately responded with, no, no you don’t. Isn’t that what you’d expect a cesarean-birth mom to say? Cesarean sections are, in fact, major abdominal surgery. It’s not a simple procedure. It’s not like getting a tooth pulled at the dentist. Major muscles are lacerated. A baby is pulled out. And you’re sewn back up and sent home after a few days to navigate the murky waters of motherhood.

I had a scheduled cesarean section. I have been told by many, that this is a much easier way to have a cesarean…versus the dreaded emergency c-section. I have to agree. Really, how bad was it? I’ll be honest. I was terrified. Here I was, all checked into the hospital and standing in the bathroom wiping off my mascara (yea, I wore mascara so I’d look pretty in pictures but opted to take it off when I couldn’t stop the anxiety tears from flowing) and in walks my OB, an hour before my scheduled surgery happily announcing that the OR is free and we can go NOW. NOW?! WHAT? NOW? NO! And then, get this…you walk yourself to the operating room. You climb on the table. And they expect you to keep your cool while they stick a needle in your spine. And THEN…your body goes numb. They help you lay down. You start to panic because half of your lungs are numb and you feel like you’re suffocating. And surely something else is in that spinal because you start to feel like you’re falling…falling asleep, falling down the rabbit hole. And then the nausea kicks in. All the sudden you announce “I think I’m going to be sick.” Your ever-so-heavenly anesthesiologist tells you “I have something for that!” and bam. You feel good. Except very, very tired. And they expect you to stay awake for this? “I just want to close my eyes!” “Keep them open, you’re going to have a baby!”

But are you really “having” a baby? Or are you being given a baby? Here’s where the controversy in this blog post will arise. But this is MY experience. Not yours. Look at me:

Happy as a clam. Who is doing the work here? What’s going on behind that curtain? I spent my entire pregnancy in disbelief that I’d be having a baby despite all of the wiggles and kicking, the clothes not fitting and the acid reflux, and then suddenly a baby appears behind a blue curtain and it’s MINE?

Really? Did that just happen? Do you expect me to believe that that baby is mine?

Then you spend an hour in recovery, where, by the way, you don’t even get to see your baby because ‘there aren’t enough nurses’… instead, your family is oogling over him getting his first bath in the nursery… and I would like to mention that I wanted to be the first one to spend time with my baby…well, guess what, it didn’t happen that way.

But of course, you LOVE that baby and the maternal connection is made once you get to your room and they place that lovely, adorable sweet, sweet, little person on your chest:

But the whole experience…is nothing…like this…

Or the feeling of this:

“Did I really just do that?”

But in the end, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not important how you have the baby, but that the baby is loved. And they are…they are so, so so loved.

If I could do it all over again? I’d have another VBAC. And I might. And I hope do it like this:

(Thanks, Pinterest)

Preparing for natural childbirth is like training for a marathon. I’m serious! There is so much I have to do. Oh I know, I don’t have to do any of it…I could just go in without a plan and let whatever happens happen. But why? That’s not how I live life. If I want something, I strive to get it. I want to deliver this baby through my vagina, without medical intervention, with all the pain, guts, and glory, and if the things I’m doing in preparation help even a little bit…well, then it will all be worth it.

I also know that VBACs don’t have to be done naturally….but that’s what I want. I have a birth plan. I know some people scoff at the mere thought of having a “plan”. I take issue with that attitude. Why do so many people think that if you have a plan and it doesn’t go your way, you’re going to be crushed? I know things don’t always go according to plan. I had a plan for my wedding day too…and it did not include someone stepping on my dress and tearing it the minute I walked into my wedding reception. Was I upset? For like 5 minutes. What did I do? I improvised and pinned it. And then I forgot about it for the rest of the night.

I know that things might not go how I’d like them to. I might feel my first real contraction and say “Nope, that’s it, needle in my back please.” Will I be sad? Heck no…no matter how he makes his entrance into the world, I’m leaving the hospital with my baby boy. Whether it’s screaming in pain, screaming in joy, laughing in blissful numbness, or being cut open again…he’s coming home with me. That’s what’s important.

In the meantime, however, I am preparing for what I want…and I’m going to tell you all about it, because I know you’re interested. Right? However, if you are against homeopathic, hippy medicine, then please stop reading. I don’t care if you are skeptical or just plain don’t believe…I’ve heard it before. I’ve also heard more than enough stories of women who have done all, or even some of this and reported good outcomes.

Step 1: Red Raspberry Leaf Tea. Not as pleasant as it sounds. I think the name is very misleading. It’s not something I can buy in a bottle at the local gas station. Red raspberry leaf tea is just that…the leaves of red raspberry plants. There’s no pleasant berry flavor to this tea. It’s just…it’s…it’s fine. I actually like the taste of it. I’m not sure if I’ll continue to drink it after pregnancy…but it does have a place outside of gestation. Red raspberry leaf is said to tone the uterus. From what I understand, it’s good for women who suffer from bad menstrual cramps, and in pregnancy, it makes contractions more productive, which I think means less time in labor or maybe even less pain. The prescription for red raspberry leaf tea in pregnancy varies depending on who you talk to. I’m following the recommendation of 1 cup a day from weeks 28-32, then 2 cups a day from weeks 32-36, and finally 3 cups a day from weeks 36 until childbirth. The tea is supposed to be brewed for 10 minutes, but I often forget about it and return to my cup when it’s been sitting for 30+ and cold. So I’m probably drinking a stronger concoction than recommended. Side effects so far? I’m not sure. I’ve been having braxton hicks contractions for many months now, and the farther along I get the stronger they are. Sometimes they even come every 5 minutes for any period of time. I can’t tell if the tea is making them stronger or more frequent…it’s just happening that way.

Step 2: Evening Primrose Oil. As of now, I’m not entirely clear on how exactly to use it. Evening primrose oil is a source of prostaglandins, which help ripen the cervix for labor. I have read it can be taken orally as soon as 34 weeks, then also inserted vaginally from 36 weeks on. I have to do a little more research to find out how much I should be taking and how often.

Step 3: Sex. Semen contains prostaglandins. See above. This one I can’t do alone. I have to enlist the help of my husband. I will spare you any further details.

Step 4: Perineal Massage. My my my. It just keeps getting more embarrassing, doesn’t it? Basically, this is done to help get the perineum ready to stretch to accommodate the baby’s head during childbirth. It has nothing to do with initiating labor. I just don’t want to tear in half. I’d like to spare you the details here too. Let’s just say it’s really hard to do alone, and I am not about to ask for help. So…not really too sure if this is going to be successful or not.

Step 5: Research. The other day, my husband said to me “should we take a class or something?” Um, oops! I’m almost 34 weeks pregnant. It’s a little late to begin classes…especially the kind I’d like to take, which are Bradley Method classes. So we bought a book. The book is long. Husband doesn’t like to read. The Bradley method is husband-coached childbirth. We might have to have evening storytime with me reading to him to get this step accomplished. I have been told they spare no details. That is fine with me!

Step 6: Empowerment. There is an organization that supports VBACs called the International Cesarean Awareness Network…ICAN. It’s called ICAN for a reason. I. Can. This is the attitude I need. I have it…but I know it can be strengthened. When I was pregnant with Quinn, before I knew I’d have to have a cesarean, I read a really good book called “Ina May’s Guide to Natural Childbirth”. The book leaves the reader with a sense of empowerment. You can do this. I can do this. And I will. I might read the book again to motivate me.

And that’s all. See? There’s a lot. But it’s actually kind of fun. I’m enjoying being proactive, or at least feeling proactive in this. I can only hope for the best. I hope you will for me, too.